29 March 2022 – Marking four years of sobriety, four years of freedom.

It’s that time of the year again! Today marks exactly 4 years since I last had a sip of alcohol, last puffed some weed and had my last drag of a cigarette and boy, what a feeling! I no longer need the constant highs to fill voids that I never knew existed. When we try and fill voids with as many things as possible, we make them deeper and more difficult to heal.

” Sobriety was the greatest gift I ever gave myself. “

I’m still on this incredible journey, so by no means am I healed yet, we are all broken, but that’s the only way for the light to get in, through the cracks. First we need to fall to be able to rise up again, but the comeback is always better than the setback. Never be afraid to start over, it’s a chance to rebuild what you want.
Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Just over four years ago my life was simple, party, party, eat, party, party, sleep a bit, repeat.
It always starts out small, the drag of your mom’s smoke around the corner, the smirnoff spin with your best friends, that puff of a bong while at house party, the list is long. Next thing you know it’s 3am in a club’s parking lot, you’re high, drunk and they call your Dad to come fetch you. You got caught smoking weed in the club and in the parking lot with some mates along with 5 spare bankies of weed in the car, then your Dad rocks up and you instantly hit rock bottom. The awkward drive home, the ” I promise to never do this again Dad ” , throwing away the trusty foldable (magnetic “nogals”) weed pipe, you’re done. The next morning you wake up and rush to the garbage bin and collect your trusty pipe, we never learn, do we?
By no means do I regret anything I’ve done in the past, okay the bumps to my car(s), the huge financial losses, the many bad decisions, we all have our lists. But, I do not wish to undo them, this time in my life taught me so much and and I could not have learned these lessons any other way.

” Failure is part of life, if you don’t fail, you don’t learn, if you don’t learn, you’ll never change. “

The aftermath of sobriety.

~ Changes for the good

I no longer drown my body in alcohol, I reflect on my decisions and I act on my mistakes. We have to learn to say, ” it’s my fault and I need to fix this ” , move on and not make the same mistakes again. Without accepting responsibility, we can’t learn from our mistakes. By all means, be kind to yourself, but also learn to be self critique. We always blame the weather, the traffic, the cashier, anyone but ourselves, if it was truly that important, you would work in some spare time for things to go wrong.
Reflect on everything in your life, self reflection is a humbling process. It’s essential to find out why you think, say and do certain things, then better yourself.

I’ve learnt that sometimes we need to sit down, seek out the problem and action a plan to correct it. Life is too short to live an unfulfilled one. Sometimes you need to break down to have all the pieces you need to build yourself back up again. I actually got this from treating my lawn, I had 3 patches that were struggling, they weren’t dead just not as green as the rest of my lawn. I went and dethatched all the grass thatch with an electric dethatcher, I was left with 3 huge spots of soil and some grass in those areas, the picture above this post was taken after dethatching. I understood that if I wanted to achieve the lush lawn I craved, I would have to break it down a bit. I then treated the areas, leveled the soil out, did my magic and water, water, water. Four weeks later those 3 spots looked better than they did before, imagine in 6 weeks. The future growth will be so much more now just by taking a step back, the same applies to our lives.

What you see is what you get, I try and be as transparent as possible, although it still needs some work.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

I now live life to the fullest I possibly can, I can actually make some great memories and remember them the next morning. I like sitting outside in the morning on the deck with my coffee and breakfast, just taking in my green lawn! This is passion that has “grown” on me, pun intended. I love gardening, watering the lawn and just switching off in the garden. It’s the one place where I can let go and just think about anything, sometimes I work myself up for no reason, but mostly it’s a very relaxing and refreshing experience.

” When you truly don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awsome level of freedom. “

The general health benefits of not smoking and not drinking are great! I still struggle with headaches, sore throat and migraines most days, but I’ve made peace with them and learned to live with them. Imagine if I had carried on smoking and drinking the way I did, not sure I would’ve made it.
I actually looked better in my party days, I wasn’t overweight and was obviously younger. I’m now a few months shy of becoming 30 years old and have a “boep” forming with some love handles on the sides, I call this my “Dad Bod” , even though I don’t have children yet!

By becoming sober we attract different people and without sobering up I wouldn’t be married to the most amazing and most caring woman that I like to call my Wife. She saw me drunk once and I think that was enough for her! I made a decision to change my life and five days after I stopped drinking we were a couple and I have to say we’ve grown so much as couple, both our lives have only grown. Yes, we’ve had our difficulties, but I don’t think there is a relationship that doesn’t go through them. The important thing is to always choose each other, over and over again. Keep talking, I can’t explain how important it is to always talk to each other. It might not always be beneficial at first glance, but sometimes we need to hear things we don’t like hearing.

I no longer inhale two menthol cigarettes in my each nose nostril at once  and exhale through my mouth, I think my sinuses really appreciate that!
I no longer drop my pants everywhere I go, they used to say ” you don’t get drunk, you get naked ” .
I no longer pee on most things in clubs, including people!
I still down every coffee and every glass if water, old habits die hard I guess.

~ Effects of Sobriety

I now have to deal with every issue in life head on, no more nights out just to forget about the world and all my problems, I actually need to face them. My issues and thoughts still keep my awake almost every single night, but I’m reflecting on the events of the day, planning my next step carefully and most importantly, I’m growing.

I find it difficult to have meaningless conversations, some people call it small talk, I call it meaningless.
Small talk is redundant and draining, I prefer to explore deeper and have provoking conversations. Conversations that leave me renewed, intoxicated and stimulated.

I have trust issues regarding friendships, I struggle to let people in, if I let you you in, it means that I trust you. Please don’t make me regret it, unfortunately that’s when my other side comes out, the way I’m able to detach from people is by far the scariest part of me. I can love you to death and never speak to you again. I had so many “friends” four years ago, they instantly dissappeared when I stopped drinking. It makes it difficult to have meaningful friendships, I expect what I give and I give too much. Unfortunately, that rarely ends well. I wish I met some people a little earlier, some a little later and some never at all.

” Sometimes life is about risking it all for a dream that no one can see but you. “

I don’t like accepting help, I’ve come so far by pushing myself to the limits, the feeling of fulfillment that comes along with achieving a goal on your own is astonishing. I love being independent, it’s addictive to me. This can come across as rude or insulting to others, but unfortunately this is how I had to get through life, on my own.
If you don’t like something, stop complaining and change it. There are three things you should never feel guilty for, changing for the better, knowing your worth and staying true to your vision.

I don’t see these as negative traits, to me they are my feelings and I’ve never been ashamed of sharing my thoughts and feelings, it’s better to get these thoughts out in the open than compressing them in our minds. Someone recently asked me if I’m ashamed of my feelings and that’s a big no for sure. If someone treats you badly, just remember there is something wrong with them, not you.

If you got this far, thank you, you are a legend! If you enjoyed the read, please leave a like and a comment in the comment section, I always like getting some insightful feedback.