29 March 2021 – Marking three years of sobriety, three years of learning and three years of growing, not a single sip of alcohol.

Waking up every morning knowing you won’t have a hangover, knowing no bad decisions were made, knowing your cellphone is still next to your bed, no drunk texts, the list is endless. Sounds amazing right? Well, sobriety isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it is the biggest gift that I have ever given myself. Understanding why I went sober will give you more understanding of what I mean.

At the end of February 2018, just after my second trip to Thailand, I started feeling dizzy, I had huge headaches and nausea, sounds like a hangover? If it were only a hangover, I’d probably still be drunk every weekend. The following morning, same symptoms, this time around and there was no alcohol involved, it’s not a hangover. A year prior to this I had the exact same symptoms and ended up in ICU for a full week with an undiagnosed illness from my trip to Thailand in 2017. It all sounded so familiar and got me so paranoid that I thought I had contracted Listeriosis from the outbreak at the time. “I was dying from a Vienna “, those thoughts kept me up all night, I had to see a doctor.

Throughout March I went to see 3 different Doctors, all a waste of time and money. These trips included, sinus MRI scans and tests at the ENT specialist, jaw scans and tooth extractions at the maxillofacial surgeon, a trip to a highly recommended homeopath ( Biggest waste of time and money, I’ll spare you the details) . By the end of March I was going to beat this! And that’s where it all began, how could I complain about my health if I’m out drinking every night? The decision was made, I would not touch alcohol again till I was fully healthy again. Unfortunately that was a promise I am unable to keep, three years later and I am still sick, going sober changed my life, my perspective of life, my vision, my goals, if I do end up getting healthy again one day, I will never touch alcohol again, that promise I am able to keep.

” I chose sober because I wanted a better life,

I stay sober because I got one. “

– Sobriety

Here we are in 2021, it’s a lovely Sunday Morning, the sun is out and my grass is as green as it’s ever been, coffee in my hand about to pick up the dog’s poo and I have no hangover, sounds amazing, right? Well, yes, BUT (there is always a but), I woke up like the other 6 mornings of the week, feeling like a zombie. Six out of the seven mornings of the week I wake up with a headache, an insanely sore throat and a neck as stiff as board, I used to able to function at 100% with only 4 or 5 hours of sleep, now 8 hours of sleep is way too little, 10 hours seems to be a good number for my body. It takes me a good 45 minutes – 2 hours to wake up properly in the morning, coffee and food are a must, as soon as possible or my road rage to work is a bit out of control (insanely out of control). I have come to accept that this is my life for now, I seldom complain and try to see the positive in everything.

I’ve been on medication for two years now, an antidepressant at night (Trepiline), to ease my jaw while sleeping and to ease the neck pain, also a Coxflam tablet every morning to help with the inflammation. Basically I was unable to stand up from a huge headache and vomiting for two days, twice a week due to huge headaches caused by the neck / back / jaw (still not sure) , the pressure would build up in my neck and head, I then start seeing bright light and there we go, vomiting for 5 to six hours, unable to stand up straight.

Now, two years after I started taking the Trepiline and Coxflam, I have not vomited once again, I am able to function and live a relatively normal life. I am not cured by any means, but I have a chance to live my life at a level I am comfortable with. I live with constant neck and upper back pain, constant sinus issues, constant sore throat, but I have a chance and hope again. The biggest Issue with these pills are the side effects, I have about 50 (not really, but it feels like 50) mood swings a day, this combined with my awakening from sobriety makes me a relatively difficult and straight forward person, I say what I feel. I worked my way through a full blown depression, not talking much about because we have been thought that depression is for the weak. I beg to differ, working my through depression has made me so much stronger, I feel so much more confident in my abilities and I know exactly what I am capable of.

Someone once told me, ” Depression does not exist, it is a lack of your relationship with God that causes the mind to be weak” . If I had my say that day, we would not be on speaking terms anymore, this journey has brought me closer to God than I have ever been, I simply do not like putting it out on display for the world to see. In my opinion, religion is a sacred topic, a very personal topic, no matter what your religion, it has nothing to do with me or anyone else. I have prayed endlessly, I have changed my life 100% and I have become who I should’ve been all along, then someone comes along, not thinking before they speak, saying that. I just ignore them, it’s better for both of us.

” I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. “

– Marilyn Monroe

I am a big believer of everything happens for a reason, yes I am still sick, I don’t enjoy it very much, but I am alive and able to live an amazing life with my lovely wife and our two amazing dogs. I love my life, I love the person that I have become and this would not have been possible without the setbacks that life has given me. It is lonely sometimes, I honestly can’t remember the last time someone asked me how my health was, I don’t blame them but sometimes it’s nice to know people still care. They will either try and convince me that my health issues are in my head or they just don’t care enough to ask me about it. If my health issues were in my head I would have been healthy years ago, I have never wanted something this badly, just to be a normal person again. I fully believe that one day I will be healthy again and that this is a learning process that I have been presented with, I have and will continue to learn and become a better person, day by day.

Sobriety is the best decision that I have ever made, there are no more quick fixes to my problems, I can’t get drunk or high and escape reality, I have to face all my issues head on. After sobering up I have learned so much about myself as a person, so much of others in my life, I look at life totally different than I used to, I have lost about 99% of the “friends” in my life. Three years ago I was in a very dark place, I was materialistic and every occasion was a opportunity to get drunk, now after facing these dark times, I hope I can provide some light in someone else’s life. I have made new friends, reached out to old friends and most importantly, I have lost friends. If you are not losing friends, you are not growing up. I’m not perfect by any means, I like to see myself as a refined version of the old “Leon”.

” Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. “

– Carl Bard

Finally, I want to dive in a bit more about the changes that I have gone through after going sober. I used to be the life of the party, downing every brandy in sight, hanging out with complete strangers, people that I had nothing in common with. I am now a full blown introvert, I see no point in having pointless conversations with people that I have absolutely no interest in. Have you ever heard of a sycophantic person? They are always bragging about how big of a deal their lives are, putting up one big show for the world to be proud of a achievements that most likely don’t exist, basically they are the leeches of society. They will do and say anything to stay relevant, I think they are fools living in their narrow minded, self entitled worlds, therefore I avoid them at all costs. Life is way to short to be putting on a show the entire time, just be yourself and don’t let this world of trends change you.

I am a total perfectionist, all that time I used to spend drinking is now spent making sure everything is perfectly straight and in it’s place, for this reason I am now a complete ball of a anxiety and I love it. I do not suffer from it as I enjoy my anxiety, I feel that it has thought me a huge lesson, You are allowed to put yourself first in your own life from time to time, if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. We have a right to be picky, it is after all our own lives and we should live it like that. Why spend time with people you don’t like? Why surround yourself with people who obviously don’t have the same morals or goals that you have. Don’t get me wrong, you still have to think of others, I go out of way to make sure that I treat people how I would like to be treated. I spend way too much time thinking of other people and how to accommodate them, that is who I am and it will never change, I am a huge softy for good people and this makes it very easy for others to take advantage of me. Luckily, fake friends tend to reveal themselves easily when the going gets tough.

“Everyone of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.”

– Diana, Princess of Wales

Self love is key to life, I think that is one of the biggest things that I have come to realize since I got sober. Love yourself first and everything else falls into place, you really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. I want to end this by thanking every single person in my life, you are all part of this wonderful journey. Most importantly, my loving wife, who has always supported me and been there for me.

If you got this far, thank you! Thank you for taking the time to read about my journey and what I’ve been up to, you are awesome.